I wake up on sunday and hit the strip around noon with my cousins and sister.

the strip is stupid and ugly during the day. if you go to vegas, stay poolside at your resort. all’s vegas is worth during the day is a tan, so go nuts on that, but stay off the strip unless you like getting hassled by assholes in costumes of famous characters (mostly jack sparrow).

after going to M&M world and the Coke place, we went to brunch at the Belagio.

Food. Sweet Jesus, so much food.

we waited in line for nearly 2 hours to get in, but oh my god…

Kobe beef. glorious.

Fresh, hand-rolled sushi. excellent.

Roast duck. awesome.

…

italian, chinese, japanese, french - meat, seafood, and dessert like a famine was coming.

so good. so worth it.

…i was so sluggish and so ripping ass like it was going out of style for the following 12 hours.

night time comes around and we all change for the evenings activities. tonight, our last night, my sister would be joining us.

Girls, if you look slutty enough, nobody’s gonna question your age in vegas.

Women. They can get away with anything.

we go out, we drink, we lose money.

at this point i have $25 left to my name.

Me: jon, let’s go burn my last quarter on blackjack.

so i do. it’s 330am and jon plays before i sit down and the deck seems hot. jon is up 80 bucks.

well, CLEARLY i’m a fucking COOLER, cuz i sit down and go all in (it was a 15 dollar table. i didn’t really have a choice). jon pulls a king and queen (a 20, so he stays) and i pull a goddamn 3/4 combo for a seven. fantastic. dealer’s showing a 5. buzz card’s a 10 or a face, and a seven’ll lose to that any day, so i have to hit.

another 3. fantastic. now i have 10. 

hit me.

a 4. you fuckin’ kidding me? 14?

hit me, you bastard.

…

face card. it’s a bust. 

and like the snows of yesteryear, my money is gone from the earth.

the irony? the dealer bust, too. 5, 3, 7, jack. 25. bust. jon goes up again.

fuck all.

Depressing Life is Depressing

so i’m standing behind jon as he plays and light up a cigarette. 

at least i still had my damn-good looks, and i had to have looked sexy as shit brooding there against that railing (a railing dividing the casino from the bar lounge) with a cig dangling from my lips…

a group of maybe 6 hot blonds who’d confused black tube-tops for dresses staggered in to my right. 

laughter, crooked gazes, heels in hand - but sweet lord were they hot.

women, in groups, are totally unapproachable unless they approach is made by a group of guys, and it is nearly impossible to thin a female herd to get one alone.

as fate would have it, one of the more attractive girls leaves the group and leans against the rail i’m on…something like 4 feet to my left.

i am in no mood. i’ve lost 200 dollars today.

i look at her. she’s crookedly staring at me.

i look away and take a hard drag on my smoke. french inhale. she probably almost slipped where she stood after that.

Me: how’s it going?

no, i didn’t say that.

Me: hi.

nope.

no, you know what i did? nothing. she stood there for over a minute waiting for something. she left her group and presented her interest in me on a silver platter.

i shat on that platter because i had other thoughts on my mind.

i blew my one real shot at getting lucky in vegas because i was thinking about how UNlucky i was…

(that and because thoughts of other people don’t let me do shit like that any more, and it pisses me off)

…jon was watching me the whole time. he called me an idiot, a pussy, a bitch, and a retard. he’s right on all accounts. haha. (sigh)

Everyone gets drunk. We go home after sun-up. We have lunch when we wake up. We hit the airport. The turbulence on the way home scares me shitless and i’m set on flying for a WHILE. i sleep until 330pm tuesday.

and that was my trip. 

so what did i learn?

Dont go to Vegas with your family: you might love them, but do you really wanna sin excessively in front of them?

Dont stay off-strip: it’s a serious hassle finding transportation, and all the action is on-strip anyways.

Stay at the Cosmopolitan: holy finna hell. young people’s paradise. so attractive (the hotel AND it’s guests). great place. the only downside is how ridiculously crowded it gets. but holy hell. so many attractive people. such a nice set up.

Club at the Venetian: the line was a quarter of a mile long, and the quality of women there to dance with? phenomenal. 

and finally

STAY OFF THE GOD DAMNED SLOT MACHINES! you might say “i know this, idiot.” but you’ll put five bucks in on a dollar machine just for fun and you’ll hit something and win ten bucks and you’ll think “hell…that was easy.” and you’ll keep playing and hoping and LOSING YOUR DAMN PAYCHECK. 

…STAY OFF OF THEM.

…

all in all, my trip was fun. disappointing on nearly every level, but at least i got to scope it out for when i return in a year or two with my friends. we will stay on the main strip…and we will tear shit up.