a stupendous compendium of the hilarious, pathetic, confused and confusing, strange, deranged, brooding musings of my mind.
...also movie (and other assorted) reviews.
and maybe the occasional short story.
So a Guy Walks Into a Movie Theater...
Trigger Finger and Carpal Tunnel
The Pretentious Works of an Aspiring Wanna-be
The Blog
Projects: In-the-works and Future plans
Esquire Theme by Matthew Buchanan
Social icons by Tim van Damme
13
May
Let’s Get it On in My Mind - Marvin Gaye mashed up with The Pixies
29
Apr
either SEXY things or FANCY things. or FANCY SEXY things.
26
Apr
Things I will continue to be
Things I will not be ever again
24
Apr
Dear Tumblr, Today… I. Feel. Slutty.
17
Apr
I noticed your cleavage
In a picture you took
I cannot be blamed
I just had to look
But there were two issues
And I think I can solve ‘em
For I have a solution
To these critical problems
My hands they are empty
Your boobs they look cold
I have a warm touch
So your boobs I could hold
…let me touch your tits.
16
Apr
My penis is mine
I know this is true
But take off your pants
I might give him to you
Some days he is bigger
And others, quite smaller
And for those who give kisses
He sometimes grows taller
My penis is mine
Though, don’t misunderstand
For I’ll lend you my penis
…if you lend him your hand
13
Apr
So like…Anne Hathaway MUST be a serial killer or some other form of seriously bat-shit crazy, right?
because there’s no way that anyone is…THAT perfect.
List of things she pulls-off INCREDIBLY well:
And that doesn’t even scratch the surface. She’s probably the most well-rounded actress of our generation and entirely under-appreciated (despite her A-List fame) and I’d even go so far as to say that she is destined to be greater than Meryl Streep. She’s unfathomably comfortable in her own skin and makes every single one of her characters completely convincing.
I have plenty of other picks for “sexiest women i’d gladly fuck rotten”, but if I had to marry ONE movie star without knowing her prior to the event, it would be this woman. She’s outstanding and breathtaking and I expect nothing but continued greatness from her.
01
Apr
I have 115 followers as of right now (love you all) AND this post is tagged for NONfollowers (the MAJORITY of tumblr) to see as well.
If you read this, i want you to ANONYMOUSLY say ANYTHING you want and put it in my ask box. It can be about me. It can be about you. I can be a short story. It can be a long one. It can be a total secret you need to get off your chest. It doesnt even have to make sense!
But it DOES have to be 100%, completely honest.
I will be understanding and accepting of any and all posts. This is complete freedom.
GO.
14
Mar
Rose gold Bulova.
Excited.
17
Nov
02
Oct
17
Sep
14
Sep
mmm
i could really use a good lay after a day like this. gifs like this are just a mean tease.
in fact, this settles it. i’ve decided i’m done caring about real relationships. HISTORY IS ABOUT TO REPEAT ITSELF, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
i’m going back to skipping proper introductions and fucking hot girls. i’m going to revert to my brooding, devil-my-give-a-fuck attitude from this same time last year and practice pure, animistic, misogynistic, vagina plundering.
if i can’t have a real relationship with all i have to give, then fuck all. i need to accept it. i need to come to terms with who i am.
I AM A WHORE.
06
Sep
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???
is it my dick? do you want my dick? you can have it if you want - i NEED to get laid!
NO? my money? if i buy you things, do you want my dick then?
MY PERSONALITY, THEN??? NO??????? if you get to know me, maybe -
NO, YOU just want the ATTENTION. the endless affirmation you’ll get from knowing countless horny boys and creepy men will violently masturbate to your image, and that will fuel your ego and your sub/conscious desire to be/feel sexy/get back at your step/daddy for being an alcoholic/controlling prick.
If you have a boyfriend, I hope he sees this and hits you. If you don’t…
…Give me a call.
17
Aug
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