…this week officially marks 5 years of life without atrophy, spasms, nervous infections, migranes, chronic nausea, and ceaseless leg pain.

5 years since I’ve needed crutches or a wheelchair.

5 years without seeing specialists twice a week.

5 years without collapsing and writhing in pain on the floor as my parents stand by helplessly. Hopelessly.

6 years since I’ve had a back or neck spasm so powerful that my vertebrae needed adjusting.

…5 more years and we’ll be even.

If i do that every other day and do my cardio on off days…

My July goal will be a real possibility.

But for now? …OWWWWWW…

but i like it. it’s a good sore. it’s a sore that reminds me that i worked my ass off today. that i worked my ass of yesterday. that i’m getting better and stronger. it’s a sore that ensures i’m feeling something. every tiny movement is significant. like i’m honestly alive. it’s proof that we are supposed to test our limits and expand our potential. that living is challenging and challenging is living.

GREAT! and I’D like to talk to you about vigorous masturbation!

some of you are shaking your head in disapproval.

WHAT?

YOU love Jesus, I love masturbating.

“That’s disrespectful.”

Why?

“At least the thing I want to talk about is good.”

Masturbation is pretty good. When was the last time you tried it?

“That’s wrong. Jesus died for you.”

Yeah, but not for my prostate. Gotta whack off every now and then for maintenance’s sake, ya know?